Graduate school and prayer life at a Catholic school influences one’s devotional life. I have been following in the footsteps of the School’s patron Saint, Ignatius Loyola, for several weeks. I pray regularly in one of the school’s many chapels. Recently, I had an epiphany about Eucharist. This epiphany halted my usual tendency towards self-deception –otherwise known as “bad faith.”
Catholics and Lutherans (and many others) do not see the Communion wafer (bread) and the wine as only reminders and symbols of the last supper. Yes, Jesus was a sacrificial lamb. Certainly, communion should be understood in its Jewish context, but it does not stop there. Jesus said, “unless you eat of my flesh and drink of my blood you shall not have life within you” and this is taken far more literally by the aforementioned groups than it is by most evangelicals. For Catholics, Lutherans, and indeed a huge number of many other Christians, the bread and the wine are not merely symbolic bread and wine, but are mystically inhabited by Christ. Thus, they are understood as Christ’s body. This is a hard thing to accept. Even many of Jesus’ own disciples did not understand it.
During certain services and times of prayer, Catholics use something called “the Exposition.” This is when the Communion wafer, which is normally hidden away, is placed within a large gold cross. It is then placed on the altar. People come before it and pray, meditate, and even kneel. Why? Because this is Christ’s body. God becomes present not in some ethereal, vaporous, “spiritual” way, but is present in the same way that he was when incarnate. Christ, thus God, is present physically, tangibly, and visibly.
I had one such experience with God through the exposition. One evening, I came into the chapel to pray, but was already in “bad faith.” Like everyone, I have a great ability to deceive myself about what I am really thinking, feeling, desiring and such. This bad faith is nothing but a deliberating self-deception, but we all do it to protect our feelings or our pride. To my surprise, the Exposition was on the altar that night. I had no idea why, and it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I vividly felt, and saw, the presence of God. This was incredibly disarming. After all, I can lie myself all I want to, but do I want to do this when God is around? Do I want to fool myself and expect Him to be fooled too? Moments of this kind of clarity are rare for me.
Out of all the things I’ve posted, I sometimes think that this will be one of the more controversial ones. I have asserted a doctrine that may sound bizarre to most people reading this. It was bizarre to me to. Because of this, I do not expect people to follow this kind of devotion. I would never look down on anyone who does not. Nonetheless, I thought it was worth sharing.
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